I have solved The Riddle of the Boing.
You know that last post? Where I admitted defeat and resolved to simply move forward and turn in an imperfect product? Yeah, I kept trying to figure it out for like two hours afterwards. And I'm glad I did.
I record and produce in Adobe Audition. After recording, the first thing I do is run Noise Reduction. It will show you what a bright fellow I am that it took me about a week to try recording in a different program to see what results I would get.
Audacity, ah, sweet, free Audacity. I opened that up instead, read the same lines I'd been reading all night long, ran noise reduction, and...
I tried it again. Then I opened up Audition at the same time so I'd be sure I was getting the exact same sound and recorded on both. I ran the Audition-recorded lines through Audacity's noise reduction; no Boing.
So! Clearly the problem is with my Adobe Audition Noise Reduction settings! I shall have to find a way to make them match my Audacity settings! Wait, I have a better idea! I'll just do the noise reduction in Audacity! Much easier!
I thank you for your patience in this, my long dark recording session of the soul. I will return soon with other things, that do not feature the words "sound booth" at all. Cheers.