Pun Don't Hurt

Normally I would tweet something like this, but this joke is too breathtakingly awful to be confined to a mere 140 characters.

 

Ahem.

 

I had an idea for a story. A movie pitch, if you will. 

 

HE is Dack Handsome, top agent for the US Freedom Agency! He spends his days chasing down the enemies of Uncle Sam and his nights with the llllllllladies. 

 

SHE is Jemina Thrust-Maidenhead, top agent for the UK's Department of Uncivilised Combat! She plays it strictly by the book... until it's time to pick up the book and hit a dashed rotter about the skull with it! 

 

THEY are looking for the same man; the mysterious mercenary known only as Johnny Foreigner! They have one clue to go on; every autumn, Foreigner throws off his cloak of secrecy and regularly visits a coffee shop to partake of his favorite seasonal beverage!

 

NOW, Handsome and Maidenhead have to go undercover as baristas, slinging java and maybe... juuuuust maybe... growing closer as a result! 

 

This October, THEY ARE.... 

 

PUMPKIN SPIES. 

 

 

 

Go ahead, take a knee. You're gonna need a minute after a hit like that. 

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I Am Vengeance! I Am The Night! I! AM! WIMSEY!

I have no real news to report as far as writing (we're still doing that) and audiobooking (I'm still doing that too). Instead, I choose to use this forum to explain why Lord Peter Wimsey and Batman are the same character. If you don't know who Lord Peter Wimsey is, here's his Wikipedia page. If you don't know who Batman is, congratulations on returning to our planet from wherever the aliens brought you.

SPOILER ALERT if you've never read any of the Wimsey novels, I guess.

Now then.

Lord Peter Wimsey is the main character in a series of mystery novels as written by Dorothy L. Sayers. Batman is the main character of DC Comics. (Sorry, Superman fans. I'm not saying it's a good thing, I'm just saying everything in that company revolves around Batso.)

Lord Peter is rich as balls. Bruce Wayne is also rich as balls.

Lord Peter spent his youth engaging in warfare and, eventually, joins the intelligence services. Bruce Wayne spent his youth traveling the globe learning combat and detective skills from a variety of teachers.

Lord Peter has been mentally scarred as a result of a close encounter with violence, in this case shellshock. Being mentally scarred by violence is what led Bruce Wayne to become Batman.

Lord Peter moves in upper class circles and pretends to be dimmer than he is. So does Bruce Wayne.

Lord Peter's closest associate in his investigations is his valet. Batman's closest associate in his investigations is his butler.

Lord Peter's second closest associate is Chief Inspector Parker. Batman's is Commissioner Gordon.

At one point, Lord Peter fakes his death in the course of an investigation. Batman does that twice a month, more if it's tax season.

Lord Peter makes use of a network of agents, including an all-female detective agency. Batman makes use of a network of agents, including the Birds of Prey.

Lord Peter steps out with a lot of ladies. So does Batman.

Finally, Lord Peter's true love is a notorious woman whom he meets when she's incarcerated. And Batman's got Catwoman.

This has been Lord Peter Wimsey and Batman Are The Same Character.

 

 

...don't ask me where Albert Campion fits into this.